So, today's rehearsal was not good. And I keep wondering, was it something that I did that caused them to be so unfriendly? What did I ever do to her, she's killed me a million times over and I can't even speak to her about it. I should have talked to her when it first happened, but I was too afraid then and it wouldn't do any good now, talking about it.
She could care less about me, and it's clear that she can still hurt me, after all she and they have done to me.
Just to clarify, she was my best friend. And now I have real friends, best friends, and they actually care about me this time. Still, she made me what I am now. I don't trust as easily as I used to. And I have a scar over my heart (well, not literally).
I want to hate her, but I also want her to be my friend still. I'm much better than I used to be though. You think this is bad, you should have seen me last year. That was not a good year for me.
I'm focusing too much on her. I have so much now: lots of friends, an amazing close circle of best friends, a boyfriend and so much more.
And yet I still want her to be my friend, to like me.
I think I'll leave it at that.
E
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